Eurovision LIVE (but two days after the fact)

Watching Eurovision live is one of the most entertaining things in the world. Especially if you include exchanging SMS's with a friend who is in Greece, and with your father who is in the US. It brings the world together! The following text has nothing to to with my mom's visit (I promise promise PROMISE that that will be the next post), but the comments were made during the show, are actual, unedited, etc. I had a good time.

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I want a giant golden ball of moving wings, too! The tumblers in dolphin costumes were pretty convincing, too. Silly water mammals.

And how can that woman ethnic dance in those heels?!

Switzerland’six4one would be better off “giving a little” in their own solo projects. They all had fairly good voices, but not mixed together.

The German telecaster is too nice. England was funny last year, because the guy kept cutting down the contestants and the hosts.

Moldova. Oh. My. God. You could literally hear the cheering and applause abruptly stop as soon as the group came out into the light. The blonde woman probably took off her skirt because it’s really all they could do. But she went behind the large sail-prop to do it. NOBODY LIKES IT IF THEY CAN’T SEE THE CLOTHING REMOVAL PROCESS. Crappy crap crap. Go back to Moldova.

HAHAHHAH!!!! German telecaster’s comment was, “…Seid ihr fertig?” (=are you finished?) Thank you, thank you for saying that. I now respect you.

Israel. He doesn’t sound good live. That’s a huge downer. It may have something to do with the back-up singers. Oh wow, the piano singer can sing, too!

Let me make a note here: Ever since I found out that Estonia had not made it past the semi-finals (I am super ******** bitter about this, because she was, in my opinion, one of the best contestants), I have had little hope for the rest of Eurovision. There are contestants I like (like France), but I don’t think it will fly, because the past several years have been more about show, not talent. That’s right, I said it, I did!

Latvia – DANCING PAPER ROBOT THING!!!! I WANT ONE! They are talented, but boy bands and Eurovision don’t mix. They should have had a more upbeat song. Major props for the robot, though. “Und was machen die eigentlich mit die Dranpuppe?” (=and what, actually, was the deal with the robot doll?)

Norway; Pretty dresses. And yay for the violins. Her lips look botoxed. The song is actually good. The backup singers can sing, too. And they’re all trained to move in perfect unison. Good job. I’m actually getting chills. The wind effect makes it more haunting.

Spain. Las Ketchup. Crappy crap crap. They should have done something as upbeat as “Asereje” to at least earn their “because we’re famous” points.

Malta’s Fabrizio looks… girly. MICHAEL FLATLY CLOTHES!!! Who wears a boutonniere just to wear one? And with a chain and leather boot tassels? You are a fool. Where’s his back-up singer? Because the back-up singer can actually sing. Ah, I see him. Cleverly hidden in all black clothing. It might be Eurovision caliber. Shooting sparks add something.

Germany’s contestant has a good voice, and really good English. The cacti are a bit much, but at least the song is catchy. And at least it’s something really different. Nice, the one guy’s bass has a sheriff’s badge on it. I’m jealous.

Denmark – this girl is only 17 years old. She looks like she’s in her 30’s. I think it’s the cheekbones. The dancers in the video were much better. Her voice is dynamic, even though the lyrics are boring. A break-dancer. now that is a trump card, if I’ve ever seen one. She put on a good show.

Russia – this guy is also an actor. I’m still not feeling the mullet. There are ballerinas! My dad said that in the semi-finals one came out of the piano – HERE SHE COMES!!! But she doesn’t seem to have gotten much sunlight. Dime, it’s not healthy to keep the piano ballerina in there at all times. I like how it has nothing to do with the song. The German telecaster just made a crack about David Copperfield. I’m glad the man has a sense of humor.

He also just made a crack at FYR Macedonia’s contestant, saying that the girl studies Italian and Literature on top of music. And that her song title is, “wenig literarisch” (=not really literary), and how it means “wirklich, gar nichts” (=really absolutely nothing). Ah, right, the Shakira reference. Nope, don’t like it. I want to see Shakira rush the stage and tackle this girl. I wonder what her parents think of her. Now the telecaster made a crack at the intonation of the song, but said it was alright anyway.

Romania – 26 year old contestant. Telecaster has good things to say about him. Ah yes, the guy who reminds me of Deen. Everyone likes to use ballerinas, too. Does he have eye make-up now? The higher he sings, the better it sounds. Keep it up, Sally.

Bosnia and Herzegovina – where are his eyes? People seem to like him, though. I think this was the song that I wished I could understand. The dresses of the back-up singers are pretty, too. This man has an amazing voice.

Lithuania – LT United. They actually got “boo’s” when they came on stage. It takes everything… guts, balls, bravery, gall, ego, and a general lack of fear for your own life to sing something like this. I really enjoyed the bald man with glasses who very seriously approached the violin player (I thought he was a security guard at first), and then rocked out geek-style to the electric violin. Props. I think that if the lyrics of the song had been anything else other than “We are the winners… of Eurovision”, it might have actually gotten somewhere, because it was upbeat, and entertaining.

England. Sloppy school girls. Interesting. Although I don’t mind the song and find it not bad, this happened to be the first performance I actually walked away from, because it’s not Eurovision style.

Greece – I can hear the audience singing with. I like her song; she has talent, too, which helps. We’ll see how a semi-ballad song does. I’ll admit that I sang along, too.

Finland – the telecaster made a crack about Lordi using shock-therapy. And suggested that the elderly, children, and people with heart problems leave the room for the next three minutes. The costumes looked cooler in the video. And how can that guy play the drums with that costume!? Amazing! And I now see that their keyboarder is a woman. In the video, one of the other guys was singing. Wings! And the telecaster said that his Finish colleagues flipped out when they learned Lordi made it past the semi-finals.

Ukraine – too much like Greece’s contestant last year. She can hold her own on the long notes, though. Hahah! telecaster: “Shakira! Oh, nein…” I love how he can be so sarcastic and yet sound nice.

France – She doesn’t sound too good live. But the woman’s a hairdresser by occupation. The song sounded better in the video.

Croatia – holy cow, she’s picked it up a notch since the video I saw. She could actually win. (Telecaster made a crack about her “flying skirt, and whether or not that really helps”). The song is actually a national folk song. Presentation was good (even though she’s got a cross eye, I think), energy was fantastic. My hopes on her.

Ireland – I’m officially leaving the room again.

Sweden – I think her dress just changed colors. And there are many fans about. As far as presentation goes, it’s good, it’s entertaining. Her voice is amazing, too. I wouldn’t mind if she won.

Turkey – What happened to her voice? The dress and the tattoos and the hair… Britney meets Pink meets Gwen Steffani.

Armenia – Andre. It sounds good, but it’s too much like Ruslana. Too much too much.

Just learned as well that the woman host lives in the United States. She’s apparently been to Greece only 10 times before. I thought she was Greek-Greek at first, but that she had just learned English very well. Sakis is, of course, Greece’s superstar baby.

4000 years of Greek Song – it’s like watching several episodes of Xena mixed into one and on a big sparkly stage. Yah, even adding in the men in semi-parrot/super-hero costumes makes it like a Xena episode soup. AND THAT MAN IS PLAYING A TINY, BACKWARDS, VIOLIN LIKE INSTRUMENT.

Points 1-7 will be automatically be shown. Then points 8-12 will be announced.

Contest results:

Slovenia: (telecaster from Slovenia has a Maria t-shirt) 8-Finland. 10-Croatia. 12-Bosnia and Herzegovina. (They also gave Lithuania 3 points).

Andorra: (THEY GAVE LITHUANIA 7!!! But only 1 to Greece. Ouch.) 8-Sweden. 10-Finland. 12-Spain.

Romania: 8-Russia. 10-Greece (the crowd cheers). 12-Moldova.

Denmark: (again 7 points to Lithuania) 8-Bosnia and Herzegovina. 10-Sweden. 12-Finland. (WHAT!?)

Latvia: 8-Finland (craziness). 10-Lithuania (inevitable). 12-Russia (RIDICULOUS! That’s only because Estonia was bumped out!)

Portugal: (4 points to Lithuania) 8-Sweden. 10-Romania. 12-Ukraine.

(At this point Finland and Lordi are winning. Latvia has 0.)

Sweden: (3 points to Lithuania) 8-Denmark. 10-Bosnia and Herzegovina. 12-Finland.

Finland: 8-Lithuania. 10-(missed it) 12-Russia

Belgium: (4 to Lithuania) 8-Finland. 10-Greece. 12-Armenia.

Croatia: (6 to Lithuania) 8-Macedonia. 10-Finland. 12-Bosnia and Herzegovina.

Serbia & Montenegro: (3 to Lithuania) 8-FYR Macedonia. 10-Croatia. 12-Bosnia and Herzegovina.

Norway: (5 to Lithuania) 8-Bosnia and Herzegovina. 10-Sweden. 12-Finland.

Estonia: (3 Points to Latvia – their first points) 8-Lithunia. 10-Russia. 12-Finland.

Ireland: (4 more points to Latvia!) 8-UK. 10-Finland. 12-Lithuania.

Malta: (1 point to Lithuania) 8-Greece. 10-Romania. 12-Switzerland.

Lithuania: 8-Latvia. 10-Finland. 12-Russia.

Cyprus: (4 to Lithuania) 8-Russia. 10-Romania. 12-Greece.

Netherlands: (6 to Lithuania) 8-Bosnia and Herzegovina. 10-Armenia. 12-Turkey.

Switzerland: 8-Finland. 10-Turkey. 12-Bosnia Herzegovina.

Ukraine: (4 to Latvia) 8-Armenia. 10-Bosnia Herzegovina. 12-Russia.

Russia: (1 to Latvia) 8-Finland. 10-Ukraine. 12-Armenia.

Poland: 8-Lithuania. 10-Russia. 12-Finland.

United Kingdom: (2 to Latvia) 8-Ireland. 10-Lithuania. 12-Finland.

Armenia: 8-Greece. 10-Ukraine. 12-Russia.

France: 8-Finland. 10-Armenia. 12-Turkey.

Belarus: (6 to Lithuania) 8-Armenia. 10-Ukraine. 12-Russia.

Germany: (1 to Lithuania) 8-Greece. 10-Finland. 12-Turkey.

Spain: (4 to Lithuania) 8-Armenia. 10-Finland. 12-Romania.

Moldova: (4 to Lithuania) 8-Ukraine. 10-Russia. 12-Romania.

Bosnia and Herzegovina: 8-FYR Macedonia. 10-Turkey. 12-Croatia.

Iceland: 8-Denmark. 10-Lithuania. 12-Finland.

Monaco: (7 to Lithuania) 8-Latvia. 10-Ireland. 12-Bosnia and Herzegovina.

Israel: (3 to Lithuania) 8-Armenia. 10-Romania. 12-Russia.

Albania: 8-Greece. 10-Sweden. 12-Bosnia and Herzegovina.

Greece: (4 Lithuania) 8-Russia. 10-Armenia. 12-Finland.

Bulgaria: (1 to Lithuania) 8-Armenia. 10-Russia. 12-Greece.

FYR Macedonia: (3 to Lithuania) 8-Russia. 10-Croatia. 12-Bosnia and Herzegovina.

Turkey: 8-Ukraine. 10-Armenia. 12-Bosnia Herzegovina.

And Finland wins with 292 points!


And a merry Hard Rock Hellelujah to us all!